Elizabeth Taylor: [overdramatically] Orca the Whale is dead! Maggie the Cat is a-live!
Source Unknown
Fail has more entries in the dictionary than win.
Epic has even fewer.
This also holds true for the EvE universe.
When I first embarked upon blogging the purpose of my blog was not to glorify myself or impart precious jewels of knowledge regarding game play, but for entertainment and comedic value. If this means making myself the source of the humour or BUTT of the joke so be it.
(see what I did there Sard?)
So here we go, a recount of one non glorious day in New Eden
Logging in on a WENSLEYDAY is always a good day. For any that don’t know what a WENSLEYDAY is please go here and read all about it.
I had spent the previous day roaming Molden heath for an extensive amount of time with little success. So I decided a different location might help cure this situation.
I had an empty clone that had been sat dormant for several months near Tama. I decided to clone jump in preparation for the WENSLEYDAY op then roam back.
Surely something notable would happen during this epic 52 jump roam?
I had 2 old corp mates in Tama Shtang and Will who were also headed back to molden heath, so I persuaded them that the roam back would be way more fun than just hot tailing it through highsec.
We grabbed shield ruptures and the adventure began.
Well to cut a long story short it wasn’t epic, and I didn’t get a kill till I got back to molden heath…. Oh the irony.
What basically happened on the roam was:
lots and lots and lots of empty systems…..
One hulk in a ladar site that docked as soon as scanner probes were launched.
[ 2011.03.16 13:02:05 ] Hanee > rupture guys wanna found the hulk? u need combat probes. im inside of a mission
[ 2011.03.16 13:02:33 ] Hanee > :D
[ 2011.03.16 13:02:37 ] Hanee > see u have it
[ 2011.03.16 13:03:13 ] Hanee > in this case i need to warp out
lots and lots and lots of empty systems…..
One hurricane that warped into belt at range and then ran away (Shield ruptures are scary)
lots and lots and lots of empty systems…..
One stabbed Russian hauler
We really thought we had popped him… I saw his hull go red!! However as we were in Uemon at the time (sentries aside) and there were 100 in local, I don’t even want to mention how many drakes were on scan not forgetting the titan. Oh how epic we felt doing a hit and run on their own home turf, only to have the epic win turn to epic fail logs confirming……
[ 2011.03.16 14:01:55 ] (notify) You have started trying to warp scramble CozaNostra (Bestower).
[ 2011.03.16 14:01:56 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.
[ 2011.03.16 14:01:59 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.
lots and lots and lots of empty systems…..
Another hauler getting away (well I had just come out of warp, how was I to know he was about to jump instead of try and warp 111!!)
One more empty system then
The day previously I had helped a corpmate shoot some pos modules and I decided to investigate see if it still had other stuff there. Upon warping to the tower sure enough mods were still there (the ones we hadn’t shot) and the tower offline.
The 3 ruptures had become 2 by this point but non the less we started shooting one of the guns for lols. Because it wasn’t gonna take that long in a rupture right!!!
Whilst this incredible feat of tactical warfare was occurring I sat my alt in Altar off the incoming gate.
After three full clips of ammo the gun hit incapacitated and it dawned upon us we had failed yet again
[inserting precious jewel of knowledge here, don’t shoot pos mods until you have killed the pos]
So imagine my joy when with my alt I saw on D-scan A hulk! And then OMG OMG An ORCA!!!!!
Image my frustration when I realised I was sat in a shield rupture with GCC …FAIL number too high I had stopped counting now.
Never mind we quickly decided all was not lost we could get to the gate and at least grab the hulk right…
WRONG
As I landed on the gate (50 AU warps FTW) the hulk had already gone and I watched the orca enter warp safely towards highsec.
As I previously mentioned we were now down to 2 ruptures, the reason for this was because Will had to log due to work the next day, he had sped ahead of us towards Bosena awhile back and had also failed to capture a hauler due to badly timed gate landings, however the hauler pilot he mentioned was CAPTAINCAVEMAN777. A well known Molden heath resident (well to the locals) he was more commonly seen flying monstrously tanked Bs so catching him in a hauler would be quite amusing.
As we docked in Atlar after the embarrassing orca incident we noticed him come into local. My alt still scouting the Illamur gate confirming he was indeed still in a hauler.
TO THE SNIPEMOBILE
SUCCESS \o/
And the cherry on the pie was the very badly fitted drake who landed at the same time.
Time to log and grab some food BBL….
So after dinner (Thai red duck curry with coconut rice, yes was lovely thanks for asking, mail me if you want the recipe) logged back in.
There was a kerfuffle going on in oddelulf and I was quickly asked to join a fleet and jump on coms, but whilst my fleet mates managed to grab a few kills by the time I had gotten organised it was all over. So I went back to Atlar to reship and log my alt in for some serious scoutage of targets.
As I landed on the station in Atlar in my trusty little action less shield rupture I saw docking ANOTHER BLOODY ORCA.
WTF who docks an orca in Atlar????
So I dock swap to a battleship to tank sentries, swear at scotty for session timer, scream on coms at fleet mates, BATTLE STATIONS!! I WANT WHALE MEAT!!
One had got away this one would be MINE.
I undocked, The orca pilot undocked…in a pod damnit.
I docked and waited for a while, he returned with a drake, docked and again left in a pod.
HUH? How dumb was this guy? Was he moving into Altar? He was in an industrial corp were they going to mine in atlar??? This caused much merriment on coms and then he returned with another drake?
Ok whatever he was upto we didn’t care, scouts were deployed to all gates and we awaited to see what the next carebear treat was that he was bringing in, and we were gonna kill it.
He appeared docked at the station in a badger HUH? How had he gotten past all our scouts?????
AHA!!!
5 mins later we are all in recons sat at the entrance waiting for him to come feed us.
The Wormhole had entered the final stages of its life and we were reticent to jump in, we would be patient, we would wait, the mountain would come to us.
So we waited and watched as he proceeded to bring out another 3 covetors from the wormhole.
We decided to wait even though perhaps...
"A badger in the hand is worth two in the wormhole."
but a covetor was not worth bothering over, we got to kill those flying around in Teon all the time.
So we waited and then it happened, he undocked from the station to return to the WH not in his pod,
BUT in the ORCA WOOOOOT \o/
Scrammed, webbed, bumped, ransomed.
He informed us he was in the process of robbing his corp however, despite his obviously UBER haul he apparently had nothing to give us.
So there you have it, quite the day and I wont even mention what happened on the WENSLEYDAY op, you will have to wait for him to tell you about that.
And WHO? You might ask is Maggie the cat? Well that’s a whole other story.
