"jeeezus fucking christ! warp you fucking retards!"

Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Ariartus’s annual birthday roam.

My name is Jo King and I will be your commentator for the evening.

What wonders will unfold as the night passes by and the alcohol starts to flow?

Will Aria be able to surpass last years event when she did the spectacular feat of warping 5 jumps thru highsec in her claymore only realising of course after the 4^th jump. And who could forget the dramatic finale to last years roam where she fell asleep on the gate with GCC. What a spectacular finish that was.

Well as always the starting destination is Oddelulf and we can see some early guest arriving into the system. So far it appears to be a blast from Aria’s and Molden Heath’s past as Morel Nova and Triksterism arrive.

I can also see another person from Aria’s past arriving this guy used to be her ceo and he now resides in the infamous PL its Jalif, he must be feeling nostalgic being  back in Molden heath.

Ah I see we now have some WGOE arriving Dian Lung, Arcana Mortis,, grabielle, zen elongur and Laedy

And now we have some of the molden heath regulars from Boglyft .R4pe Tr4in and Twisted, aswell as some of Aria’s corp mates.

 Suleiman  Shouaa has been in system for a while and it is possible he could be attending also, he has flown with Ari a few times in the past. And wait yes I am seeing another X corp mate of Aria Lt Graham in a gila.

We now have some genos members in system and  I am picking up Macherials on D-Scan. I have visual and I can confirm we have Count MonteCarlo and Duncan Tanner piloting the Machariels. Well this is turning out to be quite an expensive fleet I also have now several cynabals on scan and also a panther too.

I have visual on Aria now and I can confirm she is flying a fleet stabber. The rumours of the ashimmu obviously unfounded or maybe she decided the shield fit was more appropriate for a gang of this nature as I can also now confirm we have scimitars on the field also.

This is looking to be a nice fleet, join us after the break when a destination should have been decided upon.

Welcome back, the fleet is currently hot tailing it to skarkon.

I am being informed PX-IHN is the first rendezvous. Not much happening here looks like they are now headed out to EOA-ZC.

The geminate entry systems seem very quiet and the gang is headed up to L-HV5C oh wait the navy caracal has gone ahead this can’t end well for him.

Looks like we have a few neutrals in system here a few demon hunters and it looks like they are running from the gang. Looks like the gang managed to catch a few ships but the gang is now headed back out to empire there doesn’t appear to be much going on in Geminate tonight.

We are now back in EOA and there appears to be a nasty gang on the Akkio gate Zealot heavy with guardian support. This gang is a perfect counter for the birthday roam party but I am getting reports that Fc is asking the gang to x up if they are willing to suicide against this gang.

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:24 ] Lt Graham > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:26 ] Ryuichi > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:26 ] Migrond Aramath > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:27 ] Ariartus > X

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:27 ] 00Teabagger > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:28 ] ImmortalisMyst > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:29 ] Triksterism > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:30 ] Albback > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:30 ] Arcana Mortis > meh x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:31 ] inspector burnside > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:31 ] Zen Elongur > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:32 ] Krole > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:32 ] Vasavia > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:33 ] Thorasine > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:33 ] CraftyCroc > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:33 ] Duncan Tanner > hardcore

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:35 ] Dian Lung > y :P

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:36 ] phantom ghost > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:37 ] Suleiman Shouaa > x

[ 2011.03.06 22:38:47 ] G3ntle > xc]

[ 2011.03.06 22:39:13 ] ramquist > x crusader

 OMG the consensus appears to be unanimous, they are going in!!!!!!!!

Well this cannot end well for the gang, I can see them warping into range and out again are they going to make a break for it ? NO they are engaging, well this is a heroic act but they are taking heavy losses. I see the remaining ships making a break for it (Military experts are calling this GTFO) and jumping to Akkio.

 Well that really was suicide however I hear on coms the spirits are still high or flowing freely one of the two.

Looks like they are splitting up some are headed off as the EU TZ comes to an end the rest look as though they are headed back to Molden heath, and we have a newcomer to the gang. The birthday girl is still alive in her vintage fleet stabber which I understand was a leaving present from an old Corp mate Oodin. He certainly would be smiling if he was here tonight.

Looks like they are flying back the lowsec route down into metropolis and oh an unlucky day for the hauler and blackbird as their paths cross.

Ok everyone is safely back to molden heath and looks like Aria is opening the second bottle of wine!!!!! Join us after the break.

Welcome back. The gang has shifted around slightly some people have reshipped and another new gang member has joined. I believe they are now headed down to Great wildlands to be joined by one Wensley on the way.

Oh and what is this they have intercepted a loki  on a gate in Bosena he really should have warped faster.

The gang are turning round it appears reports of a missioning Abaddon in Atlar are coming in, poor guy he isn’t going to last long.

New destination has been set they are headed down to  EO2-IK wonder what they are going to find there? Oh and it looks like Sard Caid and Hurome have now also joined the gang.

The route to great wildlands seems quiet but coms certainly aren’t as Aria seems amused but disgusted with Shtang’s birthday offering. Now in EO2 another ship intercepted and soon Aria gets her chance to show exactly how much she likes Drakes.

The gang are planning to head back to Empire again but what’s this? An incursion has been spotted! this gang is no match for the Sansha, but wait... what is Aria doing? She is jumping after a Blackbird this can’t go well, as far as I know she doesn’t even have Sansha rats on her overview, in her current state this can’t end well.

I guess that was a comedic end to the vintage fleet stabber and Aria seems to be highly amused after overcoming her initial confusion as to how she could be loosing shields and pointed when nothing was showing on her overview. Oh well back to molden heath to reship and head out to AMAMAKE?

Aria can’t seriously be thinking of flying her hurricane thru highsec? Oh wait no Sard is telling her to eject Dian will fly her cane thru highsec and oh my a loki has just jumped into system will Aria board the jag in time? Or will the loki pod her? Wait what is she doing Aria is actually bumping the loki with her pod, this cannot be a deliberate act surely? Oh wait she is now in the jag and the loki has fled and it looks like Aria has decided to go and get coffee…….. LOTS of coffee.

As you rejoin us as the gang are now in amamake after roaming the surrounding systems and looks like they are headed to the top belt as a vagabond has been spotted.

Gang are looking like they are headed to engage but Aria is still 50km away, more ships are landing huggin rapier and a hurricane Aria should really GTFO as this gang will make short work of her hurricane and the few remaining frigs accompanying her.

OH NOES it looks like she has de-synched. She is trying to warp but nothing is happening.  Looks like she is not going to have to make that trip home thru highsec after all.

Well there we have it, a fitting end to a birthday roam not without its comedy moments.

 Op deemed a success.

I would personally like to thank EVERYONE who turned up to fly with me.

Special thanks To Garmon  and Sulieman for Fcing.

Thank you to all the ladies who got me lovely shiny presents. 

I couldn’t entirely write this blog from my own perspective as after we returned to molden heath the first time, the wine had totally kicked in and I had to talk to a few people to recapture the account, so... if I have omitted anything or if events are not exactly as happened I apologise. 

BOOK CLUB

YOUR MONTHLY REVIEW OF WHAT'S HOT IN NEW EDEN'S LITERARY WORLD

Hello again capsuleers and welcome to book club. Tonight we will be running down the list of New Eden's best seller list complete with short reviews for your perusal and enjoyment.

  

 In at number 5 moving up 12 places from last week is the enjoyable tale of how a lonesome mission runner was brutally murdered by pirates in lowsec. This heartbreaking tale reaches a dramatic climax when the brave pilot returns to his mission after being shot down to only have the same atrocities inflicted upon him. This book is a must for all carebears willing to die for their cause.

At number 4 this week we find a most informative manual writen by a duo that have tried every gun combo in new eden.

 If you like to pew this book is for you!!

The number 3 slot this week is taken by another dualistic double act. This book covers the art of tanking and carefully explains that more is generally less. The book subtley avoids the usual brutality of pvp and instead focuses on the practicality of making yourself tank for EVAH!!!

No change in the number two slot as one New Eden's most prolific author holds just off the top spot with his smash hit best seller "The art of scouting".

 This is the long awaited follow up to "Props to you" the definitive afterburner handbook. This book will surely become an all time classic and is an absolute must for any covert ops pilot.

And finally.........

The book that everyone is talking about.

The page turner than no one can put down. The new carebear bible. Selling over 14 copies this week alone. It is the ultimate mining experience.  READ IT AND BELIEVE IT!!

Next month we will be reviewing two new books more in depth so tune in for the low down on:

The Swiss army knife approach to fitting - Allan Sundry

Caught in a cyclone - Mel Strom

N.B. Special Thanks to The C0lonel for his help with this blog.

Frigageddon

Hulkageddon IV kicks off this weekend.

There will be tears and cheers resonating throughout New Eden.

Almost certainly not in equal measure.

What new and innovative ways that will be found to bring carebears to their knees have yet to unfold, and  no doubt the event will provide much entertainment for it’s duration.

I for one am looking forward to participating. Although ganking miners is already a favourite pastime of mine,

 (pun intended) and one that I certainly do not limit to the scheduled event.

Recipe for 1 Hulk suicide gank:

Ingredients

1 covert alt (any cloaky ship will do.)

4 or more cheap t1 fitted destroyers (preferably thrashers.)

1 Hulk (if Hulks cannot be found any mining barge will suffice.)

1 concord spawn per thrasher (these are not available in any supermarket but CCP will kindly provide them)

Method

First take covert alt to a belt, ice belts are particularly juicy and usually bear the most fruit.

Locate hulk.

Position alt gently at optimal small artillery gun range, being careful not to decloak and thus frighten the poor helpless miner.

Jump the thrasher fleet into system, immediately warp to cloaky alt announcing your favourite greeting into local.

Examples include but are not exclusive too:

YARRRRRRR,  (The more Rs the better, especially good for long system warps)

TALLY HO, (For the refined ganker)

MUIRA BUTTS, (the reasoning behind this is a well guarded secret)

These are not the Roids you were Looking for, (This is really best kept as a last resort)

Upon landing open fire on hulk immediately, click annoying anti gank message to allow you to watch shields, armor and structure disappear and hulk go baddaboom.

Keep watching as CCP adds a generous sprinkling of Concord.

Watch own shields, armor, hull disappear

 N.B. this happens very quickly try not to panic.

Warp pod out.

 N.B. a celestial is better than a gate to avoid embarrassing session time pod outages.

Watch for tears in local whilst cloaky alt loots wrecks and salvages. 

N.B. If hulk pilot was also poded don’t watch local for tears, instead watch mail icon and wait for it to flash.

HOWEVER.....

As we all know plans are overated.

Sometimes Hulks don’t die !!!! 

This is usually due to a fleet mate disconnecting and thus insufficient firepower being present.

Sometimes the thrashers can warp out before concord arrive!!!

 Laedy managed this epic feat and warped around Teon for 15 mins avoiding concord. N.B this is a Pro™ move and is unlikely to be repeated any time soon, personally I suspect PL HAX.

Sometimes the carebears anticipate your moves

and place faction frigates on the lowsec gate in highsec  to intercept your thrasher squad.

And sometimes 

you enter the system the other way, and instead of killing the hulk you kill the dramiel and his pod that was waiting to grab yours.

Also another good point to note is that suicide ganking requires no drones whatsoever ;)

BAD MOTHER

“You’re a bad mother Ari!”

I hear this repeatedly from my CEO and long time eve friend Sard Caid (EON Famous).

I have been in my corp now for almost 4 months. I have flown with Sard many, many times prior to joining the corp, the frequency of our fleets now significantly increased thus allowing each of us to get more acquainted with how we both fly.

 As time has passed Sard has bestowed many nicknames and observations upon me, but one that constantly sticks, is his insistence I have an atrocious lack of parenting skills.

Why does Sard insist I am a bad mother?

Drones, lots of drones, lots and lots and lots of drones.

 I rarely remember to recall them.

 I certainly will never go back to retrieve them.

 I will not think twice before launching them when fighting on a gate, knowing their lifespan will be cut very short as the sentry guns cycle through them hopefully buying  my hull the precious time needed to kill my prey.

Some people in eve are very sentimental about their drones.

Tales of hero hobgoblins     "taking one for the team"    abound aplenty.

 CCP were wise in my opinion not allowing us to name our drones, making it too personal, and getting us too attached.

Turning “OH NOES my Ogre II” into, “Can we please have a minute silence for Jeoff.”

So recently I have tried making good against these allegations, and set out one night determined to return back not only with my ship in tact, but also ALL my drones.

Of cause we all know plans in EVE are horrendously overrated.

So there was myself in my shield rupture and 2 other intrepid daring dooers.

One in a rifter the other an incursus, the plan to roam from Atlar  to Evati or thereabouts.

We hadn’t got far when a Loki was spotted in Tabbetzur. Migrond quickly deduced he was running a cosmic anomaly. Taking on a T3 cruiser with 2 frigs and a cruiser would be a challenge but not impossible and seemed like it could be great fun to try. There was a hurricane also on scan but it was not with the Loki and a quick scout of the few pilots in local it seemed unlikely they were together.

Migrond went in for the hero tackle leaving me and Sulieman on the ennur gate waiting to hear the magic words on coms.

 “Point warp to me,” 

We didn’t have to wait long.

I arrived and engaged ploughing quite nicely through the Loki pilot’s shields.

Then the hurricane arrived.

 I carefully adjusted my range sent my faithful drones after the cane so Miggy’s rifter which was quickly hitting structure could try and get out. Of course the cane pilot wanted the loki spoils too and between us all we made quick work of him.

He then turned his attention to me. I was at a range just outside of his point aligned to the sun, he started burning towards me from his speed it was apparent this was a shield cane and as his 425s started pounding into my shields, I quickly realised my best course of action was to flee the scene.

But my drones!!!

 I was determined I was taking them with me, Sard would NOT be calling me a bad mother tonight. I anxiously watched my drone overview returning… returning… returning.

To late!! The cane had me pointed and his guns still battered me. I overloaded my MWD but he kept me pointed and well pretty soon it was all over. I warped my pod out.

My drones dropped in the wreck I hope they liked their new owner, I hope he takes good care of them and lavishes them with the wealth he gained from the Loki wreck.

From that moment forth I vowed never to risk myself again for the sake of my drones, and thus I will wear with pride my badge of BAD Mother.

N.B.  No Drones were harmed during the making of this Blog.

Its All About the Shoes Baby

INTRODUCTION

Hi,

My name is Ariartus, I have been playing eve for almost 3 years now.

This is my first blog, however I thought I should start  one as almost every other member of my corp has one and I feel like I am letting the side down.

There is so much to tell, I am not sure where to begin. So I guess I will start with my early days and we will work on from there. 

My first goal in EvE

I have always been a sci-fi fan and held a passionate fascination for the stars. Subsequently when a friend told me about EvE I couldn’t wait to jump into my internet space ship and go pew pew.

 Although then I simply referred to it as “blowing shit up” (I had yet to learn the pew pew colloquialism).

Well as it turned out it wasn’t exactly that simple…. ( first  9 months ) undocking in my first internet spaceship (wow I thought my reaper looked fugly) I actually thought it was cool!

 Not only did it come with a gun it also came with a mining laser (which incidentally was going to make me stinking rich!!!!)    

 Oh what delusions…

I had the grand total of 5k isk what new shiny thing could that buy me?

 I scoured the market and found “my precious” The Stiletto.

I quickly realised a small problem, this dazzling piece of sparkly was going to cost me over 12 million!!!!!!

 But none the less it gave me something to work towards and thus obtaining a stiletto became my first goal in eve.

Why did I want a stiletto?

Because it was an awesome tackle ship?

No.

 I knew nothing of this concept, in fact the word tackle evoked entirely different connotations in my mind.

Because it was capable of incredible speeds?

No.

 I actually thought my reaper was pretty darn fast in my blissful n00bish ignorance.

The reason I set my sights on a stiletto was simple …..

It was the only shoe related item in the game.

 That was enough justification for my female brain and I suppose it’s almost kind of pink too.

 (Well it looked pink in the picture.).

Any how moving swiftly along….

 My fascination didn’t last long when I discovered it was going to take me a whopping 49 days to train for it. I had no notion I would still be playing the game 3 years on, so short was my vision; so naive in the estimation how much the game was going to take over and occupy so much of my time.

Long story short I can now fly the stiletto but I never do.

Incidentally I never mined past the tutorial and for the last 2 years been a full blown pirate sec status -10. You can usually find me in space in my hurricane.

Why the hurricane one might ask?  The answer is simple…..

It’s very effective at “blowing shit up”.